Friday, 12 June 2015

Is timing everything?

24 hours ago I had romance on my menu. A year ago I was crying about the love of my life leaving it permanently. 6 years ago I had the best first date of my life. 7 years ago I was saying my goodbyes to the best people in my life and moving to another country. 12 years ago happened the only event I wish I could take back. 29 years ago (minus 12 days) my mom got her contractions and I decided to take my first breath. But was all that happening at the right time? I am watching the 8th episode of the 3rd season of SATC (remember: when in doubt, SATC) and cannot help but wonder: Is timing everything?

Our lives are determined by the concept of time. We assume what should happen when we are 6-8 weeks old - we should be reacting to loud noises, follow people with our eyes and smile when a random adult is making weird faces at us. When we're 5 we go to school, when we manage to read, write and buy our own lunch we are sent to college and are supposed to figure out who we want to be in life. Then we kind of try to make this happen. We face bumps and dips on this long winding road but it's all still dictated by timing. Getting into the right party at the right time to see him. Leaving the pub a minute earlier to catch the last tram home. Saying 'I miss you' before these words don't mean anything any more.

Yesterday I met my estate agent who happened to be selling another house on the street and he told me that my timing was perfect. Apparently, I already made 20% on my property in the last 24 months. He thought I couldn't be happier but in fact I had other things on my mind. I might've got my first step on the property ladder right but the rest of it was off.

I have met a lot of fantastic people in my life. Some were role models, some were inspiration, some pushed me to learn, others encouraged to move forward, travel and dye my hair blonde. How come that all this stops being appreciated when we meet the right person at the wrong time? I have a feeling that someone is having a great laugh up there. How come fate is so cruel that it makes our paths cross with the best potential partners, fathers of our children and sharers of our mortgages and then, as if by magic, takes them away? It's simply unfair. If it happens once - ok, shit happens. But if it keeps on happening over and over again it changes into plantar fasciitis and makes us unable to walk in any direction for a bit. The inflammation keeps on coming back in the most inappropriate moments and hurts like hell whenever we try to take a step.

It's always something like 'there is that girl I used to date and we're getting back together' or 'I just broke up with someone'. 'I'm moving back to South Africa'. 'I am in no position to give you what you want right now'. 'I need to focus on my career now'. 'I meant to tell you that I just started seeing someone'. I believed every single one of them. But then tonight I couldn't help but wonder: were they real reasons or simply poor excuses? How come it felt so right to get into something that turned out to be so wrong?

Suddenly my life was all about timing. And I was getting it wrong.

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