Thursday, 27 December 2012

Dear Sale.

Dear Sale,

I was looking forward to seeing you. It's been months since we last met and I have to admit that I was beginning to feel a bit... anxious. Whilst doing my Christmas shopping I was just peeking at all the other pretty items I could put under my own imaginary Christmas tree. 'To me for myself' the note would say proudly. I would open the DHL box and act rather surprised at what I would find inside. It would all be the right size and just... perfect.

And here it is. A few drinks on Christmas Eve, last minute gift wrapping under the influence of alcohol,  official dinner with family, an after-party with friends. Far too many colourful cocktails made with your boyfriend's new shaker (great gift idea auntie Beth). Covered in glitter and other people's lipstick you finally manage to get to your own bed. You realise that there's a really busy day ahead of you - Boxing Day.

It's one of a few days days that the British nation is religiously looking forward to. Before Christmas we repeatedly say 'I need a new printer but I'll get it on Boxing Day in the sales'. We postpone all the purchases that we can into that sacred period of price cuts filled with glory. The brave people will even go and buy what they urgently need in the actual shops! The smart people have already browsed what the shops have to offer and will conquer the sales world online.

I woke up in the morning feeling rather ok. Instead of having a shower, breakfast, any sort of hot drink, I dashed to find my laptop and dig into the sales 'before my size is gone'. Whilst the laptop is turning on I ramble on about how difficult it is to get anything decent in the sale if you're a 'most popular size'. Being proportional is normally a good thing but on Boxing Day when we see the shoes we really like we consider squeezing size 7 feet into a 5 or a 4, in extreme situations. Also, for the first time this year we wouldn't concern wearing a size 14 instead of 10. Why? Only because our dream dress is 70% off but only i sizes 14+. As if by magic we wouldn't mind being a bit... curvier.

As I scroll down the long list of clothes nobody bought within the last 5 months I realise that the sale doesn't look very generous. My dreams have been sliced off more heavily than the prices. The numbers representing value haven't 'melted' as they promised on telly. 'Is that really the biggest price cut down ever?' I think to myself. 'I'm sure they can do more'. And I end up with the ancient dilemma - to buy or not to buy? That is the question... Do I buy a top that is only 20% cheaper or do I wait another couple of weeks for further reductions? H E L P! 'OK, I'll wait. That's the reasonable thing to do. But what if my size will be sold out in 10 mins? What if all the people fancying a leather cut out t-shirt woke up this morning and decided to buy it in this very minute? What do I do?'. My mind starts buzzing in despair for the right answer!

And finally I am done with browsing. I've eliminated what would not look good on me even though I fancy it. So I go to the basket. Far too many items. How do I decide what to keep and which ones should go back on the warehouse shelf? I set up a budget. No more than this. As I keep on pressing the little crosses in the right hand side corners I realise that I am rejecting potentially good clothes. Without even trying them on. They aren't given even a small chance to live happily ever after in my wardrobe. But I manage. With confusion written all over my face I got exactly, spot on the budget.

Clicking 'confirm order' feels like stepping into heaven. Now my mind is at ease. Just need to pay and my dreams will come true. My wonderland will be a step closer. To my surprise, the credit card is not accepted. Panic! My knees are shaking. I've been hand picking the clothes for the last 3 hours, still in my PJs at my parent's dinner table and them waiting for me to join the family for breakfast. 'I'm nearly done' I shout out but I'm nowhere near being done. I'm going through all my recent bills remembering the credit card one. Wondering whether I paid it off or not I do not hesitate but dig in my handbag in search for another one before it's too late. Ok, I haven't used that one for a while but it should work. Anxiously I put all the numbers in. Why on Earth is this number so long? Those seconds after clicking 'confirm' drag so slowly as if they were years. APPROVED. I burst out with a massive sigh.

Now I can rest in peace. I've done my duty as a British citizen to help rescue the economy. Now i've been one of the 60 million people buying in the the Boxing Day sale. I feel united. I feel reassured. I feel good again. I feel myself. I feel at ease with the world but only till the next drama with a courier arriving at my door when I'm not in. But I don't worry about it yet. I enjoy my turkey sandwich for breakfast and relax...

Yours faithfully,


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